I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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