so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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