Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
