Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
