It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
