So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
