if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
