Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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