Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
