Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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