3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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