If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
