What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
