My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
FUCK WHALES
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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