You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
