you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
