Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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