god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
