So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
