all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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