I will die if light touches me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
