It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
