Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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