shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
