she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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