Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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