When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
