i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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