Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
