If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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