Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
