I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His hands were made for my vagina.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
