on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
