Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize