grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
