I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
