All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
