Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
