I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
