covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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