Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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