she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
