My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
