both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
