Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
