If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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