Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
