Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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