You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
