someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
