Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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