At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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