so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
