We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
