I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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