Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
