the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
