make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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