The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
