Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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