I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
