So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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