It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
