I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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