There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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