She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
