Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
