Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
