Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
