Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
